Kieran Devlin - BLOG/LIFE STORY
Sometimes I wonder... How has having a Ball at my feet led me to where I am today? How has something so simple yet so extraordinary completely brainwashed me..?
I cannot actually remember the last time I had a day where I didn't think about football. Some kind of addiction; an obsession that I simply cannot shake. Every single day, it drives me crazy! I simply cannot stop thinking about it!
I cannot tell if this is a healthy or unhealthy obsession, but what I do know is that there is something deep within, something tucked away within my very soul... patiently waiting for an appointed time to be unleashed and to cause havoc on the football pitch. To show the entire world who I truly am and to finally realise my full potential...
(PHOTO) 19 years old (MULLET) KIERAN DEVLIN (I HAD BEEN WATCHING A LOT OF NEYMAR. JR SANTOS EDITS!
The very first kick...
I find it so fascinating and strange how well I can remember the very first time I ever kicked a football. Its one of those memories that you don't realise how significant it is until you look back on it after all these years and then understand that this was actually the day that your entire life began.
I was only 2 years old at the time and my Father had just driven my older brother and I to the local football pitch as my brother had a football training session.
So, whilst my brother was doing his football training session; my Father had actually brought a little size 2 Thomas The Tank Engine football with him so that he could start teaching me how to kick the ball. He stood there and continuously kept on rolling the ball to me and encouraged me to kick it back to him. We did this a few times until I really started to get the hang of it and then I remember him standing there in absolute shock and awe because of how well i was kicking the ball back to him. He couldn't believe the power that I was generating and the natural technique that I had already got when kicking the ball to him. And I loved it. I enjoyed kicking the ball as hard as I possibly could, it made me feel powerful. And that was it. I was hooked. From that day onwards, the only thing that I wanted to do all day and every day was to kick that football.
An Early Obsession...
Now, possibly the luckiest thing that i have ever had as a child growing up is he fact that i grew up in a house that was literally 10 metres away from a play park. And now that i had become completely and utterly obsessed with the beautiful game, that play park was my very own Wembley stadium. Unfortunately i have lost count of the amount of world cups, premiere leagues and last minute bicycle kick winners i have achieved on that park, but all i can say is that it is a lot!
I would spend hours upon hours playing football on that park, waking up each morning and getting myself mentally prepared for the most dramatic cup final you would have ever seen in your life! Weaving in and out of the park obstacles like they were defenders, getting one twos back from the outer fencing of the park (my teammates), and most importantly of all, scoring goals against the park swings like they were the goalkeeper. I was easily scoring, at least, 1000 goals per season. I wouldn't have had it any other way!
i was so immersed in the feeling that i was actually playing in the world cup final or the champions league final that i would sometimes forget that i was actually playing on the play park opposite from my house. But, what always reminded me that i was still only on the park, was the occasional miss on goal and then the ball flying in the direction of my neighbour's plant pots! As much as this did cause some of my neighbours anxiety, they were all very supportive of my football matches on the park and it was very often and frequent that i would see them looking out of their windows watching me play. And there was one Lady in particular that would always watch me play football, she was my next door neighbour, Janet. She loved watching me play football and she would always say to me, "Kieran, when are you going to start playing for Norwich? They could do with someone who can score goals!" and whenever she would say this, I would always say to myself, "one day I will!"
ONE DAY I WILL!
Making My Mark...
After plenty of practice destroying world class defenders on the play park opposite my childhood home, it was time to take my talents to the real thing.
The first ever football team that i played for was Cromer Youth football club. And i feel like this is where it all properly kicked off...
Instantly, from anyone that was watching, you could tell that i was the standout player. It was supernatural. It all just clicked. I could run with the ball at 100MPH, beating and dribbling through entire teams and then going on to put the ball into the back of the oppositions goal. This wasn't a one time trick though, i would sometimes do this 4 or 5 times in a single game!
Now, as this went on and my natural talent continued to shine on the football pitch, there became a lot of attention around me and my name. It sparked a whole world of feelings, thoughts and emotions towards me from absolutely everyone that knew who i was. A whole lot of good to begin with but then a whole lot of bad as well. and unfortunately, the bad began to outweigh the good. I was 7 years old at the time and i had already become a massive target.
During games i would get tactically manmarked a lot, sometimes by 2-3 players all at the same time. i'd get kicked and fouled as if my ankles were the actual football, the opposition would always try to get to me by saying nasty things to me and about me. But, the strangest part of this all was when the parents would get involved as well, shouting things like, "Kick him!" or "foul him!" or "take him out!" But i think the thing that made all of this worse was the fact that none of this could stop me from still scoring my goals!
You could definitely tell when it was time for me to leave this club because it was all getting a bit too far out of hand. For a 7 year old, there was way too much hate, neagative energy and envy all coming my way. However, luckily for me, there was a safe haven on the horizon...
Once an ANGEL, Always an ANGEL...
To this day, this new club that i was joining, i never knew that this would be the club that would bring me the most joy, happiness & fulfillment ive ever experienced whilst playing football in my entire life. This is 100% the reason why i stayed at this club for almost 8 years, throughout my entire childhood, creating some of the best memories ive ever had. This was Family to me. I had the best group of lads around me, the best supporters, and by an absolute mile, the best football manager i have ever had. They all know who they are and i am grateful for all of them!
Throughout my playing days at this club, i was the best i had ever been in my entire life. I was able to fully express my talents and abilities on the pitch without fear or doubt and i was thriving as a footballer. In fact, i did so well here and experienced so much triumph that i managed to get into one of Norwich City Academy's player devlopment programs, In which i was able to develop as a player immensely and take my game to the next level.
This was truly a time of rapid acceleration in the direction of my dreams.
However, what life has come to teach me is that what goes up, unfortunately, must eventually come back down...
A BIG HIT...
A great deal of life outside of football had, almost out of nowhere, completely shattered. Multiple, continuous circumstances in my personal life had took a turn for the worst. Life went from being great, to all of a sudden, being unimagineable. I didnt understand what was going on and i didnt want to accept it either.
With a crushed spirit and complete loss of understanding on what was actually happening in my life, i found it extremely difficult to maintain my form and abilities within football. Honestly, it was crazy. One minute i was on top of the world and then the next minute i was at the lowest point in my life. I tried hard to continue playing football at the best of my abilities but it was beyond obvious that i had lost my spark. No passion, no drive, no confidence. The player that i was before was gone. After fighting to hold on for a little while longer , i then folded. I decided to quit my football development program and decided that i was only going to play football with my Sunday league team, but even that was beginning to fade away.
Now, to fill the gap of not having as much football in my life anymore, my brother and I decided to try something new and something we both had a great interest in getting good at: Boxing. We had joined a boxing club in Aylsham, a town that was around a 30 minute drive from where we lived in cromer. This was mainly to be able to channel all of my anger and frustrations into being able to fight and to try not to think about the fact that my childhood dream seemed to be vanishing right in front of my eyes.
Anyway, as me and my brother began to regularly train hard at this new boxing club, it became quite obvious that i was actually getting really good at it. I had great technique, strong punches, speed, confidence and the best trait i had of all was my defence game. I got so good, in fact, that I was one of the selected boxers in our club to begin participating in Bouts.
So, after lots of training and preparation, they had organised a fight for me. My first ever proper boxing fight. With someone who was a similar level to me and the fight was organised to take place in Cambridge . Everything was getting set up and all of the details were being made. And then, one day, out of the blue... I quit! From another person's perspective, it looked like i got scared and ran away from the fight, but that wasnt the problem at all...
A few days later my coached asked me, "Why did you quit? What happened?" And I said to him, "I want to play football."
At this point, I had quit my academy football program, i had quit my boxing club and i was desperately trying to hold on to my childhood team, but even that had began to slip away as well. I actually began to think, 'wow! This is all actually coming to an end!' And that is exactly what was happening.
But then, one ordinary day at high school, almost out of nowhere, one of my closer friends at the time came up to me and said, "My Dad is thinking about starting a new football team for our age group for Sheringham FC and he needs to get a team together, do you want to play?"
Immediately when he said that, i knew that this was the next step to take and it was time to close the chapter on the old and welcome this new opportunity with open arms...
Becoming a Shannock...
What an opportunity i had been given. An opportunity to reignite my passion and fulfillment within the game that i have loved ever since i was a little boy.
An exciting new chapter was just about to begin and being able to play football every single week with all of my high school friends was something that i was really looking forward to. Without knowing what was going to happen next, i was simply looking forward to having a laugh with all of my friends every week.
Now, after an enjoyable Pre-season and fully establishing our new team, it was time for our first game of the new league campaign.
We played Firside away. The game had kicked off and emotions were high. excitement, nerves and a little bit of pressure. The game started off tough and it was difficult to see how our team was going to work well together, it was sloppy and with porr communication. No wonder we conceided our first goal within 5 minutes from kick off. This didnt bother me at all as it was so early on in the game, but what did bother me is that 10 minutes later we just conceided our 2nd. Now i was feeling pretty angry. This was definitely the moment in the match where you could have sworn we were about to get absolutely thrashed, heads had gone down and belief was low.
So, 2-0 down and it was obvious that the team needed a new energy to ignite the belief again and to turn things around. I knew what was required of me and i knew that it was time for some risk.
I'd like to say that I went on to score a hat-trick and win the game for us after being 2-0 down...
and yeah...
that is exactly what i did!
We went on to win that game 3-2 when i decided that it was time to bring a little bit of magic to the game. And when that final whistle blew, it was the biggest relief and we were all standing there like, what has just happened!?
First game of the season, first win of the season and first hat-trick of the season. Not a bad start, right?
You may think that this was some kind of fluke, we just got lucky and that after this game we were definitely on our way for a few losses. But something had happened that day. Something miraculous! beacuse in our next game we went on to demolish Diss town 9-0. And then the next game after that we won again! And again! And again! We went on to win every single game of that season; 18 wins, 0 draws and 0 losses. Unbeaten Champions! Crazy!
I'd like to say that the best feeling was going on to winning managers player of the season for our awards evening. Or, dropping a 61 goal bomb on the entire leage that season. But actually, the best feeling was on that day that we had just secured winning the league. That day that me and all of my high school mates got to lift the trophy together and spray open that big bottle of champagne. What a quality moment that was! Celebrating together, that was the best feeling!
Round 2...
After an incredible summer of rightly deserved celebration, it was now time to get back to work for our next season.
However, as i had already had such a great season beforehand, i had actually managed to impress the coach from the older team as well. This meant that, not only would i be playing and training for my sunday league team, i would be training and playing withbthe older team on a regular basis. Training twice a week and also playing twice a week, back to how it should be!
Anyway, things didn't get off to the best start for us in our new league campaign and we took a defeat away to Harling Colts in our first game of the season. A wake up call to us that we had just stepped up a level, so we needed to take our game to the next level as well. As the season carried on, we began to find our form once again and got back to winning ways. I was back to scoring my goals again and the team was back to playing well together again. But, unfortunately for us, there was a massive cloud that was beginning to take form over all of our lives...
COVID-19.
Before COVID-19 had forced a hault in all of our lives, we had managed to complete the majority of our games and secured 2nd place to finish off the season early. Another 25 goals to add to my tally as well.
Unfortunatley however, if we had known how severely the pandemic would affect all of our lives, we would have probably tried a little bit harder in the league.
Anyway, Football had finished early, it was time for lockdown. Complete isolation, no football and a lot of Fortnite! And this was life for a little while...
Bumpy New Beginnings...
After a long waiting period of uncertainty, lockdown had finally been lifted! however, it was a crazy time because all of a sudden i was now beginning my first year at my new football college: Norwich CSF. It had all happened so fast and it almsot seemed as though we had just skipped an entire chapter in our lives.
Anyway, football had begun once again and everything was new and fresh. I began to establish myself within my college football team, a new season had begun for my Sheringham u18's team, and from the get go, i was now getting my first senior call ups for Sheringham FC! It was looking like a new and really good chapter was ahead; new friends, new football teams, new experiences and the most amount of football i has ever played on a weekly basis in my life. I was well and truly on the up! I even had a girlfriend at the time!
Now, the most annoying part aboit all of this was how short lived it was...
It was time for COVID-19 round 2.
The announcement was made right when we were in the middle of the new season and it was now time, once again, to put a pause on everything and go back into lockdown.
It was an absolute nightmare! No football, no college (other than doing online zoom calls) and just back to being stuck inside once again.
Now, last lockdown things were not so bad as it was a new and strange experience. But this second lockdown something had completely changed. My personal life was taking some massive hits and this was a continuous theme for the entirety of this second lockdown. My relationships had all began to crumble out of nowhere and one day the penny had finally dropped and unfortunately i got to experience my first ever heart-break. Which was honestly the craziest & most painful experiences of my entire life, i had genuinely never felt anything like it before.
And this was the major turning point for me. I knew that i was going down but i never knew how far down i would actually go...
Fading Light...
My life that i had built to this point felt like it had all crumbled to pieces over night. A major loss.
Obviously however, i tried my very best to pick myself back up and to get back into the rythmn of my life. ill be honest though, I was coping very badly!
Hate, Anger, depression and low self esteem was my new vibe. I had lost it all. this led me to skipping college, missing football training, missing football games, drinking, smoking weed and just completely neglecting myself in all ways. I had no care for anything. I even almost dropped out of college. Luckily i was not that stupid however!
As much as i was down and in the dumps, fortunatley for me, there was a massive beam of light heading my way...
My first ever season as a senior player for Sheringham FC was going incredibly well and it was looking like we were going to go on to win the league! And as the deciding day came for if we were to be crowned champions of the league or not, our team went on to crush the opposition 4-1 and we became champions on that day.
As much as this was a major blessing whilst i was struggling, it was not enough to clear the pain and to get me back on track and the downword spiral continued. I was currently experiencing the biggest setback of my entire life and one that would change my life forever...
An all time low...
It was 2022 at the time, the year that i was turning 18. At this point i had completely quit my football team and was left without a club for a little while.
Heartbroken, hateful, no football team, feeling completely lost and now turning 18. It was the perfect mix. Th nightclubs, the drinking and the party life was all calling my name and, worst of all, so was the drugs. I was a complete mess, doing things that i never thought i would do, taking substances that i had only seen in tv shows and movies. My younger self would have been disgusted with what he was seeing.
But, im sure as some of you reading this may be aware... This was 'the best time of my life!' I had never experienced a feeling like it ever before and i was completely hooked. Getting 'on it' every weekend i had the opportunity, forgetting about my problems and having an absolute blast!
This was the biggest setback of my life and this lasted for the next year and a half. The dream was dead!
Well, within this story so far, i beleive we have established a reoccuring trend. One where after every down, there is an up that is following it...
Saved by an Owl...
So, i was in full flow of my new and hiddeous lifestyle of being a raving drug addict. Always thinking about when the next crazy party or rave would be and not thinking at all about my dream to play professional football. I didnt care. I was having a great time!
But then, almost completely out of the blue, i had recieved a message on my phone. It was from the manager of Holt United football club and it read, "I see you arent playing at any club right now, so if you want to come train with us and then if you like it we can sign you!"
It must have taken me about 2 seconds to decide that this is what i wanted to do. A chance to play football again, there was no way i was going to miss out on this.
So, whilst the drinking, partying and the drugs was still a big part of my life at the moment, i had just been gifted an opportunity that could really put me back on track. I had to take it!
However, the timing of this all was right at the end of their season. Enough time to introduce myself and establish myself as part of the squad, playing a few games and scoring a few goals. But then the season ended and it was time for summer break.
Not quite enough to get rid of my partying brain just yet.
The summer had kicked off once again and it was straightvback to bad habits, partying, drinking and drugs. However... there was actually something within me that was beginning to feel different...
Reignition...
After reintroducing myself back to football and getting a small reminder of what it was like to be playing at a club, i could feel a stronger pull towards making sure there is more football in my life. And, as i did not get to play as much football as i would have liked to when joining my new club Holt, i felt like i needed more.
So, one day, i woke up and really wanted to play football. So i decided to get a couple of my footballs and head down to one of my local football pitches in Cromer called Cabbel Park and just play, no plan, no training structure, i just wanted to run around with the ball and do whatever felt natural to me and, of course, smash a few top bins in!
Furthermore, i had now been getting regular invites to go play 5-a-side football matches with some of the Holt boys. And this was massive for me because i absolutely loved playing these 5-a-side games, getting back to scoring loads of goals and destroying defenders with my skills and abilities.
It was bizare. All of a sudden i had gone from really looking forward to when the next rave was or night out with my firends to now really looking forward to the new football season coming up.
Now, the next part of this story that i am about to tell you is not only the most significant part of the story but possibly the most significant part of my entire life...
The Awakening...
The 22nd of July 2023.
I had just been to a day rave with a few of my friends. It was called Brighton on the Beach. As usual, me and my friends got nice and 'on it!' and had a great time.
Anyway, after it had all finished and we had all gone home, i remeber walking up the road that was leading to my house after i had just got off of the train back from the rave. When i was walking up the road i felt completely differnt though. Normally, after a rave i would be feeling great and happy that i had such an enjoyable time. But not this time though. This time i felt completely differnt. I had this incredible feeling of shame, guilt and loss and i could not escape any of the negative thoughts that were rushing thrugh my head.
Then, i was finally back inside my house. which was a great relief at the time because i knew that i could then get straight into bed and sleep it all off. So i walked up stairs to my room, put my bag down on my bed and then just stood there for a minute or two. and as i was standing there, i then looked into my mirror at whoever it was that was staring back at me and i literally said out loud to myself, "WTF are you doing?" "WTF ARE YOU DOING?!?" I stood there looking at myself in absolute disgust, i had honestly never felt so outside of myself in my entire life and it was as if my true self was trapped inside this monster that i had created. It was awful!
I was having a major moment with myself and to make it even worse, sitting there on the edge of my window was an old photo of myself playing football for one of Norwich Academy's youth teams. I must have been about 9 or 10 years old in that photo. I picked it up and just stood there staring intensely at it for the next 5 minutes with so many thoughts racing through my head. All thoughts about who i used to be and also thoughts about who it is that i still have the potential to become...
Like a flip of a switch...
When i say that i had completely flipped a switch, i literally mean that, all of a sudden and miracoulously, my entire brain and mind had reprogrammed. My entire mindset had shifted completely and i wanted nothing to do with any drugs, drinking or partying anymore.
After this grand truning point in my life. I then decided that it was time to completely lock in. And i did, because one week later , on the 29th of July, i remeber waking up, getting myself dressed and ready, packing all of my football training equipment and then headed straight to one of the local pitches. I then completely took it out on myself and trained the hardest i had ever trained in my life. I pushed my body to its limit and was making sure that i was punsihing myself hard for the great sins that i had committed.
even though i was angry at myself for the wrongs that i had done, i was also proud of myself for deciding to pick myself back up and to finally get back to what i should have been doing.
and that was day one...
After this day, i knew something within me had shifted entirely. I have no idea how i managed to snap out of the bad so quickly and snap into this completely new version of myself.
maybe i had just been hiding away the original me for so long that I had forgot what it felt like to actually be who I was.
Anyway, from this day onwards, I was a whole new person. I created the most strict and disciplined routine for myself, a program that i followed like it was the new law. Individual football training 5 days a week, Gym training 5 days a week, Team training once a week, Team games once a week, 5-a-side football once a week. I even made an incredibly strict new diet plan so that i could get into the greatest shape and performance levels of my life. It was non-stop. I was in mission mode.